Monday, August 13, 2012
Last week was one of "those" weeks. You know the kind, where looking back you have no other choice but to recognize it as the rigorous birth of a brand new season. It was a struggle to get me there, but I've already gone through the mini storm, no use turning back now.
If you read my post from last week (Thank you!), then you remember me saying that on our vacation, I lost my job. Isn't it ironic that shortly after writing a post filled with so much hope for the future, the following week, I am writing the opposite? I'll tell you, it has been a hard week emotionally for me. I thought a new opportunity for work would open, but sadly, it slammed shut. I was feeling pretty down and unfulfilled and most of all, incompetent. And then I did the worse thing I could possible do; I went on Facebook. And.. a Facebook friend of mine had the most glorious post about her absolute perfect day. Don't get me wrong, I sincerely am happy for her. I am very excited for her that her life is in a mountaintop season. But I'm sure you've experienced this moment, where you compare yourself and realize even more how not perfect you are. It's a hard idea to swallow. Not perfect? Noooo! But how will I keep up with appearances? It's simple...I wont. So, as hard as it is for me to tell you the honest truth today, it's so important. It's real!
Saturday was the day I needed to hear from the Lord. I needed to hear His thoughts. I realize it's just a job. There's an easy solution...go out and get another one. I also realize that working is on God's heart, but sometimes He takes us through seasons where the ideal situation is not what He has in mind. There are heart and character matters that He is much more intent on fixing than money in the bank. So later that afternoon, I decided to go on a bike ride up to Dustin's & my "spot". It's this random spot Dustin and I found up on a hill nearish to our home. It's a place that reminds us of our lives in Australia. It feels peaceful and it's a place where we both think clearly, away from the busy streets and distractions of internet, movies and more. Half way through the ride to my destination however, I realized my tires were going flat. I had to quickly decide whether I would turn back and fix them or keep going. I decided on the latter.
You should know that the ride to the "spot" has a big hill. It's not easy when you have a perfectly tuned bike, let alone when you have two flats. A few times I decided to turn back only to instantly feel like a big wuss for not enduring the hill and giving my leg muscles a run for their money. Well, I finally made it to the top and found a nice spot in the shade of an over-sized weed, pulled out my water and felt instant relief. It was not but a few minutes later that the still small voice inside of me scolded me telling me if only I would have just filled my tires, I wouldn't be so tired. Sure it was noble to endure the pain, but it wasn't necessary. Immediately I recognized what God was bringing to my mind. So often I am in such a rush to get things done and checked off my list that, I am afraid to say it but, I cut corners. I don't always take the time to hear what is on God's heart for me in the area of career and finances. I take it on-the-go and hope God speaks to me during the journey. But clearly, I need to stop and take the time to hear from my Creator and go from there.
So I must slow down, and as painful as it is for me to be still (It's awful - I like to be busy!!), I must do it if I have any respect for the God I serve. He knows far better then me and it's time I stop pretending He doesn't. And in order to do that, I must make some changes. Though I am still actively seeking a new job - in my chosen career path too, I am making time to invest in the creativity and bringing back my Etsy shop. Yay! I'm also going to simplify sponsorships for the Fall. I'll have side bar only advertisements available, but that's it. I'm making myself available to be used in other areas, particularly in supporting my husband. I am ecstatic about the things coming up in his career and I want to stay fluid in order to support him and help his career bloom. And finally, as I mentioned before, I'm going back to the basics of blogging. ♥, mK